I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
