i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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