i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
