There was a lot of him and a little penis
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
