did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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