I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
