He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
