So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
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i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
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I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I want her autograph on my taint
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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