I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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