I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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