I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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