Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
