She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
