I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize