Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
