I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
