I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
