he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
