i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
