The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
