This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
