it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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