Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the day after is always just damage control
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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