can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
