Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
