how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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