You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
