How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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