just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
