could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
