Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
