ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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