You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
