The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
