honey bunches of taint.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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