OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
