My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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