i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
