We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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