OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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