Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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