some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
