My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
