brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
