Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
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I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We had sex on a dog bed..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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