Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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