Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
