how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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