Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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