Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
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We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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