Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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