Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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