dude i'm inner monologue high
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
