My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
