When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
