chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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