No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
