??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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