Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
