We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize