vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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