You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
